Some children don’t just prefer to be in charge. They seem to need it. When every routine becomes a negotiation and every change feels like a crisis, parents may wonder whether they’re dealing with defiance, anxiety, or a child who simply doesn’t know how to feel safe without

In my experience, sadly, a child doesn’t normally have the words for heartbreak. They don’t come into the room saying, “I’m traumatized.” They don’t sit down and explain, “My nervous system no longer feels safe in the world.” They don’t say, “I’m afraid that if I let my father out of my sight, something terrible will happen to him too.”

Children